The Chicken Toss

Ok - so you've all had an opportunity to vote on today's awesome blog posting.  And since I love democracy as much as the next guy - this too will be a chicken themed post.  And that's good.  Everyone loves chicken.  Some more than others...

Oh - and before I get into it....just thought I'd share this with you.  It's been clinically proven that your chances of dying are greatly reduced when you share my blog with someone else.  And your life style is greatly enhanced when you visit one of the advertisers on the right hand side of the page.  Go ahead...you don't wanna die do you?  I'm sure you were raised to share....so do it!

By now you are all well acquainted with the fact that my son (aka "ChickenManNicholas"...or "The Chickenator" as he prefers) is rather found of Daddy Chicken or just chicken in general.  Seems a lot of you are as well based on the traffic that that one post has received.  Lisa....have you actually made it yet?  

It would seem that sometimes a fondness for something can turn into an outright addiction....and the realization that not only is chicken tasty....it can on occasion fly too.

Last week I made chicken.  No surprise there - I make a lot of chicken.  It's a popular request in this house - and I'm happy to make it because it means my son is eating something that is homemade.  How can this ever be a bad thing?

Generally - there are 10 drumsticks in a package of chicken....and you have to move fast if you want more than one serving.  My son moves fast.

Last week - after he scarfed down 4 drumsticks he ran back to the kitchen to score some more.  No surprise there really....and it's to be expected actually.  I had already had two....and Mommy hadn't gotten to it just yet.  So....that's means there is 4 left sitting on the counter.

I was not even surprised to hear the "oh la la!  More chicken for me!" sound coming from the kitchen.  It's a nice sound.

Shortly after that comes the pitter patter of little feet (ok - more like stomp stomp) running through the living room.  There's a little boy with two drumsticks in each hand hauling ass through the room.  He thinks the faster he moves...the less likely we are to notice that Mommy isn't getting any chicken tonight.

"Hey man!  What's going on?  Why are you taking all the chicken?"

"I dunno."

"Well....don't you think it might be nice if Mommy got some?"

"Maybe."

"So...how about it?"

"Ok."

And then Nicholas proceeds to toss two drumsticks at me while I'm sitting on the couch - and then he takes off.

Word to the wise - I'm not making BBQ chicken anymore....the sauce isn't all that easy to clean off the couch....or my arm....or the floor.  The baked chicken with the Shake 'n Bake knock off coating is an easier clean.

The Chicken Sees Red

Yet again - another chicken themed blog posting.  Once upon a time I posted a lot of bacon themed writings - now....it's chicken.  Maybe one day I'll get to post something about a vegetable.  We'll see....

Today was an aggravating - and infuriating day.  Yes - chicken was involved....but that's not what got me cheesed off....it was the nasty, evil witch at the No Frill's on Islington Ave. today.

Allow me to set the scene for you:

11:30 - Daddy at this computer...Nicholas mentioning the need for feed.

"Daaaaaaaad!  I'm hungry!"

"Ok.  What would you like?  Pizza perhaps?

"No.  Chicken."

"We don't have any chicken"

"Sure we do"

"No we don't"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah man....I would not kid you about chicken."

"Oh.  Well.  I want chicken!"

"Sigh....let's go check the freezer.  Maybe we'll get lucky and find some"

No such luck....

"Ok.  You want chicken do you?"

"YES!"

"Ok....you have two choices.  We can go to McDonald's and get chicken nuggets - in which case you'll get to eat really soon.  Or....we can go to the store and buy some chicken"

"Hmmmmm......so....I could go and get chicken nuggets - and a toy....or we can go buy some from No Frill's...hmmmm.....let me see....."  Who said anything about a toy?

[Long Pause]

"Well Daddy.  I think I'm going to choose Daddy Chicken!  It tastes better!"

"Well....ok....just as long as you understand that it'll take some time to cook after we get home".

"That's fine".

"Ok...go get your shoes on and we'll get our chicken on!"

"Yaaaaaay!!!  Daddy rocks!"

I do indeed.

So far, so good right?  How hard can it be to get some chicken?  People buy chicken all the time right?  It's a no brainer right?  Ha.  Chicken was challenging today....

So - of course I decide to take Mommy's car (dumb dumb dumb!!!) because I had just driven it a while ago - and it would still be warm.  Mistake.  If you're going to take Mommy's car to No Frill's - always check the ashtray for a quarter first....for the cart that we simply MUST get.

And of course - there was no quarter in the ashtray...in fact there's no ashtray at all.  Some dirtbag stole it the last time my wife's car got broken into.  Scum bag couldn't even leave me a quarter.  Not cool.

And getting a cart is a MUST.  It's not an option.  Sure - we're only getting one item - but a cart is thing that can be pushed around and ridden on - therefore....we simply must get a cart.

So what do I do?  I try and get my son to panhandle a quarter.  He's cute....I figure he can pull it off.

No such luck.  The first old guy he asked just totally ignored him - and kept on walking.  Nice.

The second lady we tried - said she didn't have a quarter....and that she didn't speak English at all.  This being just after we saw her put her cart away and retrieved her quarter...and her response was in English.  If you're going to lie to me - at least put some effort into it!

Dammit.  This isn't going well.  And my son is getting a little annoyed.

Ok.  Plan B.

Let's go to Subway - buy a drink....and get the person to add a quarter to the bill so she can give us a quarter from the till.  Sounds fairly uncomplicated right?

No.  It was very complicated.  I had to explain the plan three times....but at last we scored a quarter.

We are in good shape!

We go and rent a cart and Nicholas busts ass going into the store to score some chicken.

As I'm walking in....I happen to see a little sign saying that debit and credit card payment was not available for some stupid reason.

[Eyeballs rolling to heaven....asking God just exactly what is his problem today - and why can't we just buy some chicken?]

So my son is driving through the store at top speed....not knocking things over....and not maiming a single person.  He's got good control of the situation.

I however do not.  I figure I'll just beg the lady at the cash to let me take it - and I'll be back in 5 minutes once I hit the bank.  I offered her my cell phone, my driver's licence....even my wedding ring.  No deal.  She was not going to spot me any chicken....

This is not good.  I'm trying to explain this to Nicholas - who is starting to get annoyed about what has become the chicken fiasco.  He's unhappy about the whole situation - and expressed himself....and then moved on to start pushing the buttons to move other people's groceries down the conveyor belt.  He sadly did not score any chicken.

It at this point that some "lady" got in my face and asked me what was wrong with "that child"....and why couldn't he be quiet?

Ever hear the Rush tune where Geddy Lee sings "I see red" as the first lyric in Red Lenses?  It's a really good tune.

I saw red.  And what a lovely shade of red it was.

I won't go into the verbatim description of how I responded....I was quite verbose however.

I did tell her I was soooo sorry that my son's autism has offended her and upset her selfish daily routine....but in fact - I could care less what she thinks and that she would be better off keeping her ignorant comments to herself.  I also mentioned something about her shitty attitude was bordering on a hate crime and that if she doesn't want to explain herself to a cop - that she had best just keep her opinions to herself.  That's the basic gist of what I said....there may have been some profanity - and possible references to her faulty breeding and chromosomal deficiencies...I was pretty torqued up.  I'm even not actually if what she said could even be construed as a hate crime....but I know I hated what she had to say.  That's enough right?

I don't even think Nicholas heard me tell this lady off....he seemed to be all smiles after he returned from moving people's groceries around.  I explained that we had to go to the bank to get some cash.

"Ok Daddy!"

I was really surprised how cool he was with this.  Pleasantly surprised in fact.  He wanted to walk to the bank - so we did.

Upon our arrival at the bank...lo and behold!  That ATM was out of service....so we had to wait in line to grab some cash.  Nicholas proceeded to take off his coat, plop himself into a chair - and play his Moshi game on this DS.  I waited in line for 10 minutes...one eye on the Moshiman...the other eye on the teller who was just chatting about the weather with a customer.  Dude!!!  I need to get the chicken!

Finally....I get the money - and we headed back to the store to pick up our chicken.

The cashier was nice enough to set the chicken aside while we went to the bank.  Nicholas handed over a $20....and voila!  The chicken was ours!

We pile into the car and proceeded home.  Nicholas is happy....I am not.  Nicholas plants himself on the computer when we get home - I proceed to make chicken....and give my Calphalon cookwear a good scrub.  I clean when I'm angry.

I know that this kind of thing is something that my son is going to experience throughout his life.  But come on people.  He's 10 years old.  He's really damn cute.  So what if he's a little noisy at times....he's actually got a lot of interesting and intelligent things to say.  Next time - listen with your ears....and not your ignorance.

Sugar Bug Beat Down Volume 2

Just a quick update on the Sugar Bug Beat Down.

It's all good now....and things have returned to our version of normal.

Nicholas is back to his feisty, chicken stealing ways.

He's added chicken throwing to his repertoire now....but that's for my next post.

Sugar Bug Beat Down

Well.  It's finally happened.  We've had a good run of 10 years....but the sugar bugs finally got the best of Nicholas.  Sugar bugs are not cool.


What are sugar bugs you ask?  Sugar bugs are those little things that exist in all our mouths that try and eat the enamel on our teeth and form cavities.  Nicholas fought the good fight...but now we have to call in the big guns and get them taken care of.


For most kids - this would mean a routine trip to the dentist.  For a kid on the spectrum - it typically means a trip to the hospital.  Because you know there's just no way an autistic child is going to sit there patiently while they get a needle for freezing and then the subsequent drilling (and tooth extraction).  The experience is hard enough for anyone - but for an autistic child....well...I'm sure it would be an extremely traumatic experience.  


I've been living in fear of this day for years...and tomorrow - we get it on with the sugar bugs.  Damn.


The 'procedure' (what Nicholas is calling it) will take place tomorrow at Sick Kids Hospital in downtown Toronto.  The people at Sick Kids are awesome and they (obviously) are really good with kids.  We had the opportunity to take Nicholas to the hospital a few days ago so that he could get a bit of a run down on what was going to happen - and be introduced to some of the medical equipment that they will be using.  He was really good about the whole thing.  He even got his choice of the flavor of anesthesia he's going to have (watermelon by the way).

Since Nicholas isn't supposed to eat after midnight - we let him chow down on anything and everything he wanted (bought a few Little Caesar's pizzas, Crazy Bread...and Buffalo Wings!).  For the first time ever - he didn't eat all the pizza that he could get his hands on!

So tomorrow we will arrive at Sick Kids for 9:30AM....with a procedure time of 11:30AM.  It's only a day procedure - so he will be home sometime in the afternoon.  He's going to be cranky I'm sure....so there will be lots of new Moshi Monsters for him to help him feel better.  Mommy has stocked up on all kinds on things that will hopefully get him through the 'procedure'....Moshi Mags...and lots of books he has never seen.  So...while it's going to suck - at least there will be things throughout the day that he will enjoy.

If you have a moment - please help my brave little boy get through his arduous day.  Nicholas has email....and I'm sure he would love to get an email from you.  Nicholas can be reached at kenyakid2000@gmail.com.  Please note that the emails Nicholas gets are also forwarded to me (safety issue) so that I will be in the loop....and within about a week or so I will update this blog entry to remove the email address.  I can't promise a response to your email....while he likes getting the occasional email he's not big on responding (hence why he doesn't get all that many).

I really hope tomorrow goes well.  Think good thoughts....send an email if you can...and let's kick the crap outta those sugar bugs!  Game on little man....you're going to be just fine!  And yes - Daddy will be with you in the procedure room while the main event goes down.

Updates to follow....

Why I Write

First off - a friendly 'Привет' to those people in Russia who have taken the time to read my blog.  Not sure why my traffic is trending up in Russia...but I'm happy that you stopped by to check this blog out.  Спасибо!


Secondly - you will notice a Calvin & Hobbes cartoon in today's blog.  Not sure if Bill Watterson is going to have a problem with that.  I hope he doesn't - I'm a huge fan.  And besides - I happen to own the hardcover Calvin & Hobbes compendium.  So...everyone got paid who should have gotten paid.  [Note to Bill Watterson's lawyer - if my borrowing of the image is a problem...let me know.  I'll remove it.]


Today's blog entry is in answer to a question that I received a while back.  The question was, "why do you write?".


Good question.  And one for which there is more than one answer.  Some are smart ass responses such as:

• I'm writing so that Oprah will see my blog and then get me on her show so that I can flog the book that I have yet to write.  It's all about the fame and fortune - and free loot!  Now obviously - that hasn't happened...nor is it likely to.  But hey - if you happen to know Oprah...feel free to forward this blog to her.  I'm sure she would like it.  Or....just send me her email address, and I'll take care of the rest.  No need for a phone number - I'm sure she's a busy lady who doesn't answer her own phone.

• And of course there's the usual flippant remark "because I can!".  That's always a real crowd pleaser.  Actually I do know that I write fairly well - always have.  A love letter from me is something to treasure!  Not really sure who might actually have one anymore - likely no one (except my wife....in case she's reading this.).  But if you do...hang onto it.  It'll be worth a ton of coin after Oprah and I yak at each other on her show.

There - now that the smart ass comments are out of the way (and if you know me personally - you'll totally understand why they're there)...I can address the question more seriously.

• I write because I can.

• I write because it's a healthy outlet for the frustration that I feel at times in raising an autistic child.  It can be frustrating on so many levels (from the 'looks' from other people...to the temper tantrums....to the constant realization that my experience as a parent will never be the experience that I had planned for....and so on).  It's just really frustrating at times.

• I write because raising an autistic child can at times be the most wonderful experience ever.  Odd isn't it?  It's either really good....or not so good.  Like my son - there are no shades of grey involved...it's black or white, yes or no, up or down....rarely if ever is it somewhere in the middle (but when it is?  Man....is that ever sweet!).

• I write because I actually enjoy the process of writing.

• I write because I enjoy the feedback that I get.  Typically - it's positive feedback - so I enjoy that a great deal.  The rare negative feedback I somewhat enjoy as well....it typically gives me something new to write about.

• I write because I feel I have to.  I read a lot about autism...and I lot of what I read is really misinformed crap....so I kind of feel somewhat obligated to do my part to correct people's misconceptions as to what it really is...and what my life is really like.  My life didn't end when my son got his diagnosis - it just went in a different direction.  No better and no worse than anyone else's life....just different.

• I write because my son entertains the hell out of me.  He's a brilliant child with a heart of gold.  I want to share that with others - and in particular....those who are just starting their journey down this road.  Yes - it's hard at times...really hard in fact.  But it's not all bad.  Actually there are times where it totally rocks (bacon...and now chicken theft aside).

• I write in the hopes that one day my son will read this blog and truly understand how much better off I am as a person for having met him.

• I write because I get paid to.  Yes.  I actually get paid by Google when you kind people click on an ad.  No one is getting rich here...but the money that it does make is ear marked for my son's RESP.  So...keep those clicks coming people (but only click an ad if it's something you're truly interested in.  Google takes a dim view on click fraud).

• I write because the more I learn about my son - the more I learn about myself.  He's a mini version of me in many respects.  The things that bug him - also tend to bug me.  Things need to be in order.  Things need to be done a specific way.  Things need to be done properly.  The only difference being - I can adapt much easier to the environment than him.  It's like has the same emotional perspective on things that I do...only magnified by a factor of 1,000.  He's getting more flexible as he gets older - so that's a good thing.  So in essence - when I tell my son that I understand what he's dealing with....I really do.  And that helps him deal with things a little better.

• I write because I like the analytic side of things.  I get some really interesting reporting on how people found my blog, where they're from, what they clicked on, etc.  It's really exciting (for me....yes...I'm a bit of a data dweeb) to see the geographical reach my blog has had.

• I write in the hopes that you will bookmark my site - and come back often.  I have lots to write about!

• I write in the hopes that you will share my blog with others.

I write for a  multitude of reasons.  And as long as my son keeps amusing me as he so often does (and cheese me off...as he also frequently does) - I'll continue to peck away at the keyboard....always in the hopes you'll take something away from what I have to say.

So - there you have it.  A whole bunch of reasons in answer to the question, "why do you write?"?  I write for me,  I write for my son.  And I even write for you. 

And now I have a question.  Why do you read?  I really want to know.  What are you getting out of this?  Are you learning anything?  Has your perspective on autism changed in anyway?  I'd love to know.

If you want to share that with me - that would be great.  All I ask is that you use the comment box below, and not use my Facebook wall to tell me.  I tend to go through my wall every few months and delete everything....and I suspect you're going to tell me something that I'll want to keep...and that I would like others to see as well.

Cheers!

Paul

Lifted Letters

Sometimes you come across something that someone else wrote - and it just resonates with you.  This is one of those times.  I didn't write this.  A friend who I apparently went to high school did (or rather....a friend of hers did).  I liked it...so I asked if I could use it here.  Thanks Meaghan Roe.

So - with proper credit having been given where proper credit is due - I present to you a piece that was originally entitled, "A Special Letter About Autism".  I've renamed it "Lifted Letters"....for the obvious reason.  :)

I understand that we will be visiting each other for the holidays this year! Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help make our visit to be more successful. 

As you probably know, I am challenged by a hidden disability called Autism or what some people refer to as a pervasive developmental disorder (PDD) Autism / PDD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, which makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that you can't see but which make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings. Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt, but it is only because i have to try so hard to understand people and at the same time, make myself understood. People with autism have different abilities: some may not speak, some write beautiful poetry, others are whizzes at math (Albert Einstein was thought to be autistic), or have difficulty making friends. We are all different and need various degrees of support. 

Sometimes when I am touched unexpectedly, it might feel painful and make me want to run away. I get easily frustrated, too. Being with lots of other people is like standing next to a moving freight train and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard. I feel frightened and confused a lot of the time, like you would if you landed on an alien planet and didn't understand how the inhabitants communicated. This is why I need to have things done the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen, I can get by ok. But if something, anything changes, then I have to relearn the situation all over again! it is very hard. 

When you try to talk to me, I often can't understand what you say because there is a lot of distraction around. I have to concentrate very hard to hear and understand one thing at a time. You might think I am ignoring you - I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything and not knowing what is important to respond to. Holidays are exceptionally hard because there are so many different people, places and things going on that are out of my ordinary realm. This may be fun and adventurous for some people, but for me, it's very hard work and can be extremely stressful. 

I often have to get away from all of the commotion to calm down. It would be great if you had a private place set up to where I could retreat. If I cannot sit at the table, do not think I am misbehaved or that my parents have no control over me. Sitting in one place for even 5 minutes is impossible for me. I feel so uneasy and overwhelmed by the sounds, smells and people - I just have to get up and move about. Please don't hold up your meal for me - go on without me and my parents will handle the situation the best way they know how. Eating in general is hard for me. If you understand that autism is a sensory processing disorder, it's no wonder eating is a problem! Think of all of the senses involved with eating: sight, smell, taste, touch AND all have complicated mechanics involved with chewing and swallowing that a lot of people with autism have trouble with. I am not being picky - I literally cannot eat certain foods, as my sensory system and or oral motor coordination are impaired. 

Don't be disappointed if mommy hasn't dressed me in starch and bows. It's because she knows how much stiff and frilly clothes can drive me buggy! I have to feel comfortable in my clothes or I will just be miserable. A very smart adult with autism, has taught people that when she has to wear stiff petticoats as a child, she felt like her skin was being rubbed with sand paper. I often feel the same way dressed in dressy clothes. 

When I go to someone else's house, I may appear bossy and controlling. In a sense, I am being controlling because that is how I try to fit into the world around me (which is so hard to figure out!) things have to be done in a way I am familiar with or else I might get frustrated. It doesn't mean that you have to change the way you are doing things - just please be patient with me and understanding of how I have to cope - mom and dad have no control over how autism makes me feel inside. People with autism often have little things that they do to help themselves feel more comfortable. The grown ups call it "self regulation" or "stimming". I might rock, hum, flick my fingers at my face, flap my arms or any number of things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. Again I am doing what I have to do to for my brain to adapt to your world. 

Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or partaking in an activity. the grown ups call this "preservating" which is kind of like self regulation or stimming I do this only because I found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable, and I don't want to come out of that comfortable place and join your hard-to-figure-out-world. Preservative behaviours are good to a certain degree because they help me calm down. Please be respectful to my mom and dad if they let me"stim" for a while, as they know me best and what helps to calm me. 

Remember that my mom and dad have to watch me much more closely than the average child. This is for my own safety, preservation of your possessions, and to facilitate my integration with you tippies (what we autistic folk often call you neurotypical folks!) It hurts my parents feelings to be criticized for being over protective or condemned for not watching me close enough. They are human and have been given an assignment intended for saints. My parents are good people and need your support. 

Holidays are filled with sights, sounds and smells. the average household is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. Remember this might be fun for you "tippies", but it's very hard work for me to conform. If i fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don't possess the neurological system that is required to follow "tippy" rules. 

I am a unique person - an interesting person. I will find a place at your celebration that is comfortable for us all, as long as you view the world through my eyes! 

That's a lot of writing!  Typically a lot more than I do for one of my postings.  But man...wasn't that a good read?  I know you made it this far....  ;)  Have something to add?  Use the comment box below....that's what it's there for.