We Used To Have Nice Stuff

Today's post takes a darker turn.  If you want fun, happy and light - please move on.  This post isn't any of those.  This post is about why we don't have nice stuff....or at the very least - why our once complete set of awesome dinner wear is nearly extinct.

Autism is a neurological disorder that effects different people in different ways.  Some autistics can't speak.  Ours does.  Some autistics are shy.  Ours isn't.  Some autistics are occasionally aggressive.  Ours can be.  For the most part - our son is a happy, lovable, and sweet child....but every once in a while his 'demon' pays us a visit.  And his demon's name is "El Destructo".

For reasons we are not always able to figure out - there are time when "El Destructo" visits us - and literally makes our life a living hell.  How is that you ask?  Why Paul....from what you've described of your son....he sounds like a good kid.  He is.  Most of the time.  But there are times when things don't go Nicholas' way....there are times where even the smallest thing just sets him off....and there are times when even I have a hard time liking him (loving him always....but liking him?  Well...that can be a challenge at times!).

"El Destructo" is a prick.  We don't like him.  My son doesn't like him.  And the contents of our house certainly doesn't like him.  Allow me to elaborate for the uninitiated.

When "El Destructo" stops by people (parents) are going to hit (hard), things are going to be thrown (typically glass items) and treasured items that my son typically treats with respect are going to get messed over.  Here are but a few examples of "El Destructo's" less than lovable moments:

• whipping a CD case at the back of Daddy's head while Daddy is driving the car.  That's not fun....and now I just leave the radio alone to whatever it is he happens to be jamming too.  My CDs no longer reside in the back of the car anymore.

• taking a glass jar that used to have coins in it and smashing it all over the kitchen floor.  We have two vacuums in the house for a reason.

• banging into the hallway wall so hard that the drywall is broken.  Not sure how I'm going to fix that one without ripping out a 2" by 3" of drywall.  

• ripping off the front of a drawer in the bathroom.  That one I can fix.  Just wish I didn't have to.  But in his defense....it was really poorly made - and anyone could have done that one.

• hitting Mommy or Daddy.  He hits Mommy more than me.  Not sure why.  He just does.

• being so angry about something that he stomped on his glasses - and then getting even madder when I wasn't able to fix them.  There are some things I just can't fix.

• destroying the contents of his room.  Well....I'm actually ok with that one.  It's his room.  And it's his stuff.  If he wants messed over Ikea dressers....well....that's his business.

• frequently tipping over the recycling bin in the kitchen and generally making a mess of the place.

• the grabbing and smashing of plates on the kitchen floor.  We used to have a really nice set of dinner wear.  Now?  We still have some of the nice stuff....but not enough for a complete table setting.  If you come to my house for dinner - please don't be dismayed that not all the plates match.  They used to.  But now....well...whatever the dollar store has is fine.  It's cheap.  And I can replace it easily enough (who knew the Mikasa set we currently have/had would be so expensive,  $60 for a single plate?)

• And so on and so forth....

Now this isn't to say my son is a bad kid.  He isn't.  But there are times when his autism just takes over his personality - and he does one of those Hulk maneuvers....only he turns red, not green.

This behaviour worries me quite a bit.  Not because I can't handle it.  Things can be fixed or replaced as needed.  Apologies can be made.  And I know my son isn't taking his anger out on me per se.  I can deal with all that.  What worries is that at some point - my son will be 'out in the world' and on his own....and he may have one of these moments that other people are not going to know how to handle, nor have the patience to deal with.  And then?

And then someone is going to call the police.  That's the biggest fear right there.  There have been numerous examples in Toronto over the past few years where an individual with mental health issues has found themselves at the business end of a taser or a gun....and the next thing you know?  There's another person sitting in the back of a cop car - or worse....in the back of the coroner's wagon.  The police and their "I'm above the law" use of authority and brutality against society's most defenseless causes me a great deal of concern.  For the most part - I trust the cops to act in a professional manner (G20 nonsense aside)....but I do not trust them when it comes dealing with individuals who have mental health issues - their track record as of late just hasn't been all the reassuring.  Sure - I can understand the need for force when there is a weapon in play....but I just don't see my son ever doing that.  

He's a good kid.  I hope he'll be a good adult.  I just hope that society - and the police in particular demonstrate more understanding and compassion than I currently see.  I'm getting tired of reading reports in the Toronto Star or The Sun (which I rarely read) where the police have killed yet another person who didn't need to die.

Aren't you?

I also wonder why Toronto - the largest city in the country (and one can assume the largest autistic population as well) does not have an autistic registry to help the police do their job properly?  Seems like a no brainer to me.

But then again - we have Rob Ford for mayor.

Comments?  Criticisms?  Kudos?  I'd love to hear them.   See that comment box below?  Use it!  :)