The Chicken Sees Red

Yet again - another chicken themed blog posting.  Once upon a time I posted a lot of bacon themed writings - now....it's chicken.  Maybe one day I'll get to post something about a vegetable.  We'll see....

Today was an aggravating - and infuriating day.  Yes - chicken was involved....but that's not what got me cheesed off....it was the nasty, evil witch at the No Frill's on Islington Ave. today.

Allow me to set the scene for you:

11:30 - Daddy at this computer...Nicholas mentioning the need for feed.

"Daaaaaaaad!  I'm hungry!"

"Ok.  What would you like?  Pizza perhaps?

"No.  Chicken."

"We don't have any chicken"

"Sure we do"

"No we don't"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah man....I would not kid you about chicken."

"Oh.  Well.  I want chicken!"

"Sigh....let's go check the freezer.  Maybe we'll get lucky and find some"

No such luck....

"Ok.  You want chicken do you?"

"YES!"

"Ok....you have two choices.  We can go to McDonald's and get chicken nuggets - in which case you'll get to eat really soon.  Or....we can go to the store and buy some chicken"

"Hmmmmm......so....I could go and get chicken nuggets - and a toy....or we can go buy some from No Frill's...hmmmm.....let me see....."  Who said anything about a toy?

[Long Pause]

"Well Daddy.  I think I'm going to choose Daddy Chicken!  It tastes better!"

"Well....ok....just as long as you understand that it'll take some time to cook after we get home".

"That's fine".

"Ok...go get your shoes on and we'll get our chicken on!"

"Yaaaaaay!!!  Daddy rocks!"

I do indeed.

So far, so good right?  How hard can it be to get some chicken?  People buy chicken all the time right?  It's a no brainer right?  Ha.  Chicken was challenging today....

So - of course I decide to take Mommy's car (dumb dumb dumb!!!) because I had just driven it a while ago - and it would still be warm.  Mistake.  If you're going to take Mommy's car to No Frill's - always check the ashtray for a quarter first....for the cart that we simply MUST get.

And of course - there was no quarter in the ashtray...in fact there's no ashtray at all.  Some dirtbag stole it the last time my wife's car got broken into.  Scum bag couldn't even leave me a quarter.  Not cool.

And getting a cart is a MUST.  It's not an option.  Sure - we're only getting one item - but a cart is thing that can be pushed around and ridden on - therefore....we simply must get a cart.

So what do I do?  I try and get my son to panhandle a quarter.  He's cute....I figure he can pull it off.

No such luck.  The first old guy he asked just totally ignored him - and kept on walking.  Nice.

The second lady we tried - said she didn't have a quarter....and that she didn't speak English at all.  This being just after we saw her put her cart away and retrieved her quarter...and her response was in English.  If you're going to lie to me - at least put some effort into it!

Dammit.  This isn't going well.  And my son is getting a little annoyed.

Ok.  Plan B.

Let's go to Subway - buy a drink....and get the person to add a quarter to the bill so she can give us a quarter from the till.  Sounds fairly uncomplicated right?

No.  It was very complicated.  I had to explain the plan three times....but at last we scored a quarter.

We are in good shape!

We go and rent a cart and Nicholas busts ass going into the store to score some chicken.

As I'm walking in....I happen to see a little sign saying that debit and credit card payment was not available for some stupid reason.

[Eyeballs rolling to heaven....asking God just exactly what is his problem today - and why can't we just buy some chicken?]

So my son is driving through the store at top speed....not knocking things over....and not maiming a single person.  He's got good control of the situation.

I however do not.  I figure I'll just beg the lady at the cash to let me take it - and I'll be back in 5 minutes once I hit the bank.  I offered her my cell phone, my driver's licence....even my wedding ring.  No deal.  She was not going to spot me any chicken....

This is not good.  I'm trying to explain this to Nicholas - who is starting to get annoyed about what has become the chicken fiasco.  He's unhappy about the whole situation - and expressed himself....and then moved on to start pushing the buttons to move other people's groceries down the conveyor belt.  He sadly did not score any chicken.

It at this point that some "lady" got in my face and asked me what was wrong with "that child"....and why couldn't he be quiet?

Ever hear the Rush tune where Geddy Lee sings "I see red" as the first lyric in Red Lenses?  It's a really good tune.

I saw red.  And what a lovely shade of red it was.

I won't go into the verbatim description of how I responded....I was quite verbose however.

I did tell her I was soooo sorry that my son's autism has offended her and upset her selfish daily routine....but in fact - I could care less what she thinks and that she would be better off keeping her ignorant comments to herself.  I also mentioned something about her shitty attitude was bordering on a hate crime and that if she doesn't want to explain herself to a cop - that she had best just keep her opinions to herself.  That's the basic gist of what I said....there may have been some profanity - and possible references to her faulty breeding and chromosomal deficiencies...I was pretty torqued up.  I'm even not actually if what she said could even be construed as a hate crime....but I know I hated what she had to say.  That's enough right?

I don't even think Nicholas heard me tell this lady off....he seemed to be all smiles after he returned from moving people's groceries around.  I explained that we had to go to the bank to get some cash.

"Ok Daddy!"

I was really surprised how cool he was with this.  Pleasantly surprised in fact.  He wanted to walk to the bank - so we did.

Upon our arrival at the bank...lo and behold!  That ATM was out of service....so we had to wait in line to grab some cash.  Nicholas proceeded to take off his coat, plop himself into a chair - and play his Moshi game on this DS.  I waited in line for 10 minutes...one eye on the Moshiman...the other eye on the teller who was just chatting about the weather with a customer.  Dude!!!  I need to get the chicken!

Finally....I get the money - and we headed back to the store to pick up our chicken.

The cashier was nice enough to set the chicken aside while we went to the bank.  Nicholas handed over a $20....and voila!  The chicken was ours!

We pile into the car and proceeded home.  Nicholas is happy....I am not.  Nicholas plants himself on the computer when we get home - I proceed to make chicken....and give my Calphalon cookwear a good scrub.  I clean when I'm angry.

I know that this kind of thing is something that my son is going to experience throughout his life.  But come on people.  He's 10 years old.  He's really damn cute.  So what if he's a little noisy at times....he's actually got a lot of interesting and intelligent things to say.  Next time - listen with your ears....and not your ignorance.

Who Ate The Big Piece of Chicken?

"Why did the little boy cross the road?"

"To rip off the big piece of chicken!"

It used to be bacon that was the most commonly stolen item of food in my house.

Things have changed.

Now it's chicken.  More specifically.  Daddy's chicken.

Word to the wise...I can totally understand the recent spate of chicken theft.  I happen to make some really fine chicken.  Got my own recipe for a KFC/Shake 'n Bake knockoff that has been years in development.  It's recently been perfected - and now chicken theft is on the rise.

All I ever did was offer my son a piece of chicken.  Once.  Now he's hooked....bad.

I've had pieces of chicken go missing from my plate.

I've seen all the left over chicken that I had lunch plans for....go missing from the fridge (and the tell tale empty Tupperware thing is left in the fridge - ChickenMan is not concerned about leaving a neat crime scene....it's usually a smash and grab kind of event).

I've even had requests for chicken.

"Daddy!"

"What?"

"I'm hungry!  Can you make some chicken?"

"Ask Mommy to make it."

"No.  You make good chicken.  Mommy's is ok...but your's is better!"

He happens to be right on that by the way....but we won't discuss that publicly.


"Well....maybe for dinner little man.  No one eats chicken for breakfast anyways."

"Why not?"

"Just because.  You don't eat waffles for dinner...and you don't eat chicken for breakfast.  That's just the way it is.  I don't make the rules in society man....I just try and follow them."

"That's terrible.  Who makes these rules anyways?"

Wish I knew little man....wish I knew.

Someone please click on some ads (on the right hand side)...I've gotta chicken junkie to support.  :)

Finger Lickin' Good!

I may have already mentioned this....and if I'm starting to repeat myself I apologize - but a momentous occasion has taken place.  My son has expanded his food options to include....drum sticks!

No.  Not the ice cream Drumstick thing.  Dairy impacts his mood (trust me on that).

Drumsticks.  As in the legs of formerly upright chickens who now reside in my fridge (they were on sale - so we'll be eating these things for awhile).  And these aren't just any plain ole drumsticks.  These are customized with a special homemade Shake n' Bake knockoff recipe.  I could tell you how I make it...but I'm not going to.  If you want that - you're going to have to ask in the comment section.

Oh - you have no idea how freakin' excited I am about this!  Not the sale part...although that's pretty sweet too - the actual consumption of something new.

Now for the those of who have neural typical children....I'm sure you've had challenges getting your kid(s) to eat different foods.  For those of us who have kids who are on the spectrum - it can be downright impossible.

Nicholas' diet has always been somewhat limited (when he was a baby - he'd eat whatever we shoveled into his face...he didn't care - he ate it all) since he was about the age of 3.  For the most part - I'm pretty sure if we fed him nothing but pizza (Little Caesars being his favorite) or bacon (chicken bacon....we switched over from the 'good' stuff - we don't want an obese kid) he'd be happy as a pig in feces.

Here's an overview of what he will eat - for those that are interested:

• Pizza.  Pizza.  And more pizza.  Like I said Little Caesars is his favorite...but he'll eat other pizza as well (even the ones we make him).  The last blood test revealed that his red blood cells had been fully replaced by little pepperonis.  Nicholas is fine with this.

• Crazy Bread.

• Waffles.  With peanut butter.

• Bacon.  The chicken kind seems to go over well....but he would prefer the pork variety (who wouldn't?)

• Lasagna.  Home made too.

• Chicken fingers.  We make those too.

• Pasta.  Just about any kind of pasta.  Has to have a mixture of tomato sauce and cheese (some soy based cheese mind you.  Dairy is problematic).

• Zookies.  Those are some type of animal cracker thing.  They go down well with Nutella to dip them in.  This has become a favorite of mine as well.

• Chips.  Any kind - but preferable Sour Cream n' Onion.  These are typically purchased for me....but then he finds them and eats them.

• Popcorn

• Pears (sliced into quarters please and thank you).

• Strawberries (if Mommy hasn't eaten them all)

• The occasional blueberry.  

• Ketchup (or catsup for those who like to call it something other than what it should actually be called).  It can either be on food....or just on a plate.  He doesn't care.  Ketchup is a food group unto itself.

Notice a pattern here?  With the exception of a few fruits - its mostly carbs and some protein.  Any green stuff we are able to get in him has been hidden in pizza sauce.  It's amazing what you can do with a high end blender and food processor.

So last night - drumsticks were made.  They were cooking in the oven (350 for about an hour or so)....and the kitchen was smelling really good - then its gets interesting.

"Hey!  What's that smell?"

"Drumsticks man."

"Hmmmm....smells pretty good.  I want one!"

"And the magic word is what exactly?"

"Now!"

"Try again."

"Please?"

"Much better.   Now try it again with the magic word in a sentence."

"Ahem.  I would like a drumstick please!"

"Awesome!  So would I.  And as luck would have it - they're done."

"Good!"

Parental eyeballs rolling....

So I take them out of the oven, and check to ensure that they are done.  These are drumsticks....not actual chicken.  Sounds strange doesn't it?  We don't really tell him that something came from an animal....he's an animal lover.....and that just might cause problems.  We keep things vague to ensure some sanity is maintained in the house.

"Here little man.  Here's one.  Be careful - it's really hot.:

"Okay.  I will.".  And he grabs his plate and heads off to his computer.  Some kids watch tv while eating.  Ours watches YouTube (which in part explains why 65 gig a month is still not enough bandwidth.).

I grab a few drumsticks as well (yes.  It was lazy chef night...I didn't make anything else - just drumsticks) and head off to my computer to watch Mad Men.

A few minutes later I heard some foraging sounds up in the kitchen.  I don't bother to investigate.  The elusive and wily child is on the prowl....and he's hunting drumsticks.

Upon investigation - I discover that he scored himself 3 more.  This is great news!  Another food item has been added to his repertoire!  And it was homemade stuff too!

Take that Colonial Sanders!  My stuff is finger lickin' good too!

GQ Man 2.0

Something is going on.  Things are changing.  And I think I know why.


As you may or may not know, Nicholas doesn't have a lot of variety in his diet.  Pizza, fries, bacon, chips, pretzels, macaroni and the occasional piece of fruit are all he's been interested in the past 5 years or so (we do hide veggies in his pizza and his macaroni though).  Chicken nuggets are a recent addition to his food repertoire....quite the breakthrough indeed!


Over the past few weeks - he's decided that he needs to eat 'heath food'.  That's his phrase - not mine.


All of a sudden he's actually asking for blueberries and yogurt, and things like that.  This morning he wanted raspberries on his cereal (not that he ate more than two bites....but hey!  It's a step in the right direction).


So I asked him, "what's with the sudden interest in health food dude?"


"I need to be healthy so I grow big and strong like you!"


"Hmmmm.....really now?  You sure you don't have a girlfriend or something?"


"Well of course I have a girlfriend.  Her name is Jayden.  And even though she goes to a new school - I still love her.  One day - I'm going to go to her new school so that we can play like we used to".  


My son loves everyone it would seem...but Jayden is a really nice girl - and has always treated my son the way she treats everyone.  Nicely and with a very highly developed sense of respect - and she only in grade 2.  I was kind of sad when I learned she had to move to a new school.  She's an awesome kid!


"Well....that's just great Nicholas!  I'm really happy for you!"


At this point - I'm breaking out the cereal that he selected (Corn Flakes), and washing the berries....while he's doing stretches.


"What's with the stretching Nickels?"


"Well you know dad.....not only do I need to eat healthy...but I need to exercise as well.  I can't be all out of shape and nasty looking you know.  That just won't do!"


I'm thinking to myself that I am in for a world of hurt at some point.  He already likes to grab a shirt and tie from my closest and strut around like he's the cat's meow.  He obviously pays more attention to what I say and do than I ever thought possible.  I need to be careful.  I appear to be a role model now.  Which is cool with me...as long as he stays away from my beloved concert tshirts (I bought him a Rush one....he only wore it a few times before he outgrew it).  


"Well....ok Nickels.  I'm down with that.  Just make sure you don't over do it".


"Yeah yeah Dad.  Thanks for the cereal!  Can I watch tv now?"


"Sure - go ahead".  Now I know he didn't get that one from me.... I don't really like tv all that much - and if I had my way - we wouldn't have one".


So - I know what's going on.  My son is trying to impress a girl.  I guess that's fine and all...what male hasn't done that?  Now I just need to make sure that he understands that he needs to impress himself first....and that if a girl likes it - cool....but not to live his life thinking that he needs to seek female approval all the time.  There's way more to life than that.


I wonder what he's gonna want for lunch?

It snowed

It finally snowed in Toronto.  This is exciting news indeed!  


Even more so if you're 7 years old.


The day got off to a slow start....Nicholas didn't get out of bed until 6:30AM.  This is considered sleeping in.


At around the same time....a little voice calls up the stairs to the master bedroom (with en suite facilities no less)..."Hey Daaaaaaaaaad!  Did it snow?"


I remain silent.


"Daaaaaaaaaaaad?"


I'm not saying a word...I refuse to get out of bed until 6:45AM.  That's my rule, and I'm sticking too it.  The house could be burning down...I don't care.  There is no reason for any human being to be up and about before 6:45AM.


Nicholas is not liking that I'm not out of bed yet....so he decides to come upstairs and offer some....encouragement?


"Hey Daddy!  Did it snow?  Did it??  Come on....you neeeeeeeed to look out the window and tell me".


"You've got eyes dude....go look yourself!"


"Fine then.  I will!"


I'm hoping that that'll be the end of it....he'll see that it snowed, and then I can enjoy my last 7 minutes in bed.


No such luck.


"Daddy!!!  It did snow!  Oh this is so wonderful!  We have to go outside now!!"


"Uh uh little man....Daddy ain't going outside.  I'm old - and it's cold!"


"You're not thaaaaaaat old.  Come on, come on....you can do it!"


So I get out of bed.  Nicholas starts handing me clothes to put on....and then he drags me downstairs.  My socks don't match right now in case anyone is interested.  Matching socks matter not when there's snow to be played in.


I go to the front door and see that yes indeed - it had snowed.  How lovely.  It isn't even good fluffy white snow....it's that rain laiden crap that is a pain to shovel - and that can't be used for decent snowballs.  I'm not interested any longer in the snow.


But my son is.


He's busy running around getting his coat on...and trying to find his boots.  He actually thinks I'm going outside in the cold and dark?  Silly man.  That ain't gonna happen.


I mention that he can play in the snow when he gets to school.  He announces that he is in fact NOT going to school....and that he is going to stay home so that he can play in the snow. 


"No way dude.  They have snow at school.  My taxes dollars ensure that they do."


A little argument ensues....at which point I just tell him to get his stuff on and go play in the backyard.  He is totally into it...he think's he's won.


He has his stuff on in record time....and he's out in the backyard.  He threw a snowball at the window (a few times I might add), he pulled his wagon around....and then he made snow angels.  


The fact that it was raining didn't seem to bother him.  The fact that I could barely see him in the dark was not an issue at all....his boots have those little red LED lights on them.  It's kind of funny to not be able to actually see your kid....but know where his feet are at any given moment.


So this is great!  He's outside getting soaked.  And I'm inside making bacon....looking out the window periodically.


Getting him inside is another matter.  He wasn't into it.....and another 'discussion' takes place.  I won that one.  And then I had to throw his mittens, hat and coat into the dryer....he was soaked.


And of course - while I'm downstairs doing all that....the bacon was stolen. 


He was quite the happy little dude this morning.  Got to play in the snow...and pinched bacon - and all before 7:30AM.  He even went to school without any further 'discussions'.....


Sure hope they have snow there....I told him there would be.  :) 

I got scammed v2

Chaos!

Mayhem!

Mass destruction! 

Oh the humanity!

And what the hell happened to my bacon?

Oh wait.  Let me see...oh who, oh who could it have been?

Could it have been Kevin Bacon looking to liberate his namesake?

No.

It was Nicholas.  The master of You Tube and all things trains related has scored yet again.  And this time around he scored with style.

Allow me to elaborate if you will...

I made bacon this morning.  Yes - faithful reader - a lot of bacon is consumed in this house.  Probably too much...but life is short, and you just never know when it'll all come crashing down (my bet is Jan 6, 2253...on my birthday - but long after I'm gone)...and really - what's too much bacon in a world of global warming, the Taliban - and David Miller as mayor of Toronto?

I provided my son with three pieces of bacon this morning.  That's the limit we try to set....but we need to keep an eye on things it would seem.

So here's how it all went down:

Nicholas was watching You Tube and eating bacon.  I was sitting on the couch debating whether I should go eat the bacon that I made (note to self - learn to trust my baconintuition)

My son...runs to the kitchen.  Top speed.

My son makes a bit of kitchen noise.

My son comes running back with a fistful of bacon.  At least 4 pieces (there should have been more...I think he had already snagged those ones).  I'm not kidding - he's got a fistful of bacon and he's working on mowing it down.  And laughing the whole time!

I make a comment....something to the effect about that actually being Daddy's bacon.

The response?

"Nope!  You left it on the counter for too long.  It's fair game!"

I can't argue this.  I happen to agree.  I think I've done the same to my wife.  I'll have to ask...

"Well...at least grab a napkin so you don't get the mouse all greasy and nasty"

"Ok"

Back to the kitchen...and I follow.

Behold!!!!

One last piece of bacon.

It's there!

I can see it....

Or at least...saw it.

I moved too slow on that one as well....and well...opportunity missed.

When I enquired as to why Daddy's last piece of bacon was stolen....

"Because it was tasty and I like bacon!"

I sigh...it's not as if he's actually wrong.  I try not to engage him in discussions where Daddy ends up looking clueless...or baconless as the case may be.  Shaking my head I proceed to get a bowl of cereal...snap, crackle, pop just isn't the same....

At least he handed me a glass of his blueberry juice...with a comment that I need to eat more healthy - as I don't seem to eat much.

No kidding dude.

I got scammed!!!

Brief note for this lovely Sunday morning.

And it's gonna be brief because I need to make more bacon.

Yeah - that's right....more bacon.

I made my son bacon for breakfast...as well as oatmeal (which he was totally into until he discovered that those little bits where in fact apples.).

As my son was sitting at the table happily munching away on the sweet, sweet meat.  He comes into the front office - and asks me for juice.  Sure little man...we can get some juice happening for ya.

As I was getting the juice....he then asked for a specific train from the basement.  This struck me as odd...but hey - who doesn't like a train in the morning?

While I was downstairs looking for the train...my son was upstairs committing an act of bacon thievery!  That's right! Outright bacon theft!!  Going on in my own home!!!  By my son even!

When I got back upstairs, there was a little boy - face stuffed with Daddy's bacon...and trying to get 'er all down before I put two and two together.  The fact that no one else was home for me to pin it on didn't seem to cross his mind.  My son set me up for bacon disappointment - big time!  The day is young though Nickels...better watch your back sucka!  This is bacon we're talking about here...and this is serious!  :)

I love my son....and I'll miss him dearly when he moves out (tick tick tick little man!!!)...but this is just crossing the line.  Stealing Daddy's bacon?  Ouch dude....that hurts.  

At least he left me one piece.

Back to the kitchen it would seem....there's bacon to be made - and guarded!!

It really is April Fool's Day

I'm tired today.  Been up since 4 - went to bed at midnight (was busy working all last night).  So please forgive any typos....I'm not at my best on 4 hours sleep.

It snowed early this morning in my home.  A lot of snow actually.

My son - the ever charming, and slightly hyper child decided that yes...its April Fool's day - so there is fun to be had.  Fun at my expense....but fun nonetheless!  (Its not like I ever did something like that when I was younger...okay...I did.  I was a bad ass little punk - I admit it.  Now its coming back to haunt me!  Mom was right.).

You know those big bean bags you can buy at Wal-Mart?  You know...the ones that you fill with thousands of those little styrofoam balls?  We had one until this morning.

My son was up early...4 am as I recall mentioning.  Both my wife and I were just too tired to get up and see what was going on.  I laid there in bed - in one of those semi comatose states....and just tried to listen to what he was up to.

He played the recorder for about an hour.  That was fun.  (Note to self - take recorder upstairs when I go to bed so I don't have to hear it so freaking early).

Then....it was quiet.

This is not a good sign.

It never is.

I thought to myself...I should get up and see what he trouble he is getting into. 

I couldn't get out of bed.

Did I mention I was tired?

So...at 6:30 - I finally get my ass moving.

I walk downstairs in that half asleep state...and notice that it has snowed in my son's room.  I thought, "Hmmmm.....isn't that strange".

That's right - snow.  Indoors even.

I ask my son, "Hey Nicholas - what happened to your room?"

"It snowed Daddy...a lot!".

"Yes - I can see that.  That's just great dude - thanks for giving me a hassle to deal with this morning".  (Going to be a busy day...need to clear out the rest of the basement, contractors are coming, another guy is coming to give me an estimate on new eaves troughs...and I have a ton of work to do as well).

"You're welcome Daddy!  I had fun making it snow".  Lucky for him he was hiding under a blanket with his head sticking out when he said this...he looked cute - so he'll live out yet another day.  :)

"Yes - I'm sure you did."

So - you're reading this and thinking..."just what is this guy going on about now?  Snow?  Is he nuts??"

That's right - snow!  Nicholas decided that it would be great fun to open the bean bag - and spread thousands upon thousands of little styrofoam balls all over his room.  I had to empty the vacuum 20 times just to get it all sucked up.  Sucked big time!

And while I'm doing that...I'm also cooking bacon, and making Nicholas' lunch....and trying to stay out of my wife's way....she ain't the most pleasant pumpkin in the patch when she hasn't had much sleep.  15 years - same person....I've learned a few things!  Just....make....her....tea.  And clear out!  :)  (Dear reader - if this is the last post you read - its because my wife has read this...and decided that I have outlived my usefulness....and that she can make the bacon going forward (good luck with the vacuum though!)).

It took me 20 minutes to suck up the snowstorm.  And its all done now....although I'm sure I'll be finding little random pieces of styrofoam for the next couple of years.

I'm glad the weather is getting warmer....no more snow.

(As I was writing this...Nicholas came popping into the room...with Crayola marker all over his arms and face.  I tried not to laugh.  I'm really glad that Crayola makes markers that are easy to wash off.  Really great idea...might have to check out their stock).

I'm tired today.  So much to do.

I can never make enough bacon.

I like bacon.  I really like bacon.

Who doesn't?

Bacon is also a food group...and I can never make enough.

While my wife is getting ready to go to work, and slog it out in traffic (so far working from home is working for me)...I am in the kitchen, creating a breakfast feast bar none.

Ok...so perhaps I exagerate somewhat - but you don't know that.  Unless I've made you breakfast...and there are a few ladies out there who can claim that.  Ahem...family oriented post Paul - must stay focused.

My son also happens to like bacon.  I mean he really likes bacon.  He's totally down with the crispy strips of swine goodness.  

So on his plate are (or were) four...count 'em four pieces of bacon - and some french toast.  You'd think he'd be good with that right?  Wrong.

While I'm still in the kitchen cleaning things up (yes...I'm a guy and I do that...I also do laundry, vacuum, cook, windows - the whole nine yards.  I'm quite the catch indeed!  You reading this all you ladies who didn't like the breakfest in bed I made for you?  You're missing out - big time!).  A little boy comes cruising into the kitchen...face covered in ketchup - when he spots the holiest of holies - MORE BACON!

"Daddy - I want your bacon!" says my son in the ever so sweet, but slightly demanding voice.

"Sorry Nickels (there you now know his name - it's Nicholas) - this is for Mommy and Daddy/"

"No!  You're wrong - its for me!!"

"Really - who said that?"

"I did."

I pause.  I find it hard to argue with his logic.

"Okay - Nickels - you can take one piece....you've already had four."

"No - I want the whole plate!"...as he starts to grab the plate and prepare for his escape.

"No way sucka - this is for Mommy and Daddy...you can have one piece."

"Nooooooo.....you're wrong.  It's all for me!!  Mommy said so!"

"Really now....is that true Nickels?"

"Wellllllll....not really...but I do like bacon"

Again - the logic that you just can't find fault with.

So - I give him two pieces of bacon.  He's happy.  I'm not quite as happy....but what can ya do?

Nickels proceeds to grab his bacon - and haul ass out of the kitchen before I change my mind....as he's leaving I remind him to eat his french toast as well.

He never did eat the french toast - he claims he's full now.  

I throw out a lot of french toast...particularly when I make bacon.