Bowling + No Pizza = Meltdown

Hello faithful reader!

What you are about to read is based on an experience I just had not more than an hour ago. I apologize in advance if any profanity slips through...I'm not angry anymore - but I am extremely frustrated.

It's the last week of summer holidays...and I wanted to take my son out for something fun to do. Because that's what kick ass fun fathers do. And I happen to be one. I have a t-shirt from my son that says so (okay - it says World's Best Dad....but I know what he meant!).

I asked N if he wanted to go bowling or go-carting. I believe in giving him options...so that he feels that he has some control over his life. Bowling was his selection.

Great! I'm excited about the prospect of wearing anthrax infected shoes...and so is N. Grab a drink, snack - and away we go! So far - so good!

We get there (the bowling alley is about 1 minute from my house) - get ourshoes...and wander down to Lane 27. Again....things are going well! It feels great to be able to do something normal with my son. His life is hard at times....and I try to make sure that he gets to experience as many fun and normal things as possible. Because that's what cool fathers do. I happen to be one of those too.

So....we're bowling away....Nicholas is doing pretty well. He's more of a shot putter with the ball....but he's knocking the pins down - and he's thrilled that he's winning (I was throwing mostly junk balls...I wanted him to win).

So....we finish the first game....and by the time he has finished his snack....and decides that he would like some pizza from the snack bar because he is still hungry. I had planned for a lunch outing afterwards...but hey - who doesn't like greasy bowling alley pizza? Nicholas remembers that he had pizza there on his birthday party...so in his mind - pizza is the only option.

So we go to the snack bar....and oddly enough - I don't see pizza as an option on the menu board. I start to get a little worried.

The girl...or rather child...finally comes over to ask us if she can help us. Why yes indeed! My son asks for some pizza!

"Sorry - we only sell pizza for birthday parties."

"WTF?" crosses my mind.

My son then states...."well you have a picture of pizza up there and I would like some please!".

I can see how this is going to go....and he's trying so hard to use all the manners and calm voice that we've taught him to use....

"Well - there isn't any pizza"....and she walks away.

""WTF??" crosses my mind again.

I try to explain the deal to my son....he's not buying it - he wants what he wants....and besides the picture is right up there on the order board.

"Fries dude?"

"No!"

"Hot dog?"

"No!"

"Onion rings"

"No!!!!! Pizza!!!!"

I knew I was screwed when he wouldn't go for the fries. He won't eat hot dogs (smart call by the way)....and he's never eaten an onion ring in his life.

At this point he's in the throws of a complete and utter meltdown. I end up chasing him all over the bowling alley....trying to catch him - which I do. I can move pretty damn fast...even in sandals.

I kneel down to his level and try my best to explain the situation...he's not buying it.

I promise to take him to see Jenny (his girlfriend at Pizza Pizza) afterwards...

"No!!!!! I want bowling pizza!!! The picture is right there!!!"

{side note - we did go see Jenny afterwards....and he was cucumber calm the whole time while we were there}. In fact we had a whole conversation about what went down at the bowling alley. My son was sorry that he was 'hyper'...and I was sorry that I had to end our bowling outing. He gave me a high five...and we apologized to each other.

Now while all this is going on....with me chasing my son, and me trying to talk to him while he is screaming and freaking out - I begin to realize (duh!) that we were the centre of attention (obviously) and the whole bowling alley is staring at me like I'm the worst father imaginable.

And here is what I'm frustrated about...and here is where I may end up typing more profanity than you're used to reading:

Listen up you @ssholes! I don't need you staring at me or my son. Can't you see I'm having a hard enough time as it is with out all you jerks staring and gawking at me like I'm some sort of child molester?

Can't you #ucking see that my son is different...and all you people pointing and laughing is mean and harmful?

Don't you understand that I'm trying my very best to calm him down and make everything all right???

You think I enjoy having to hold him under one arm in order to prevent him from running away...while I try to pay with the Interac machine? This is a skill that I'm sure many parents of autistics master.

And to the lady who made the nasty comment - which I won't repeat here...I hope one day I see you in need of help, and that I'm there to witness it. Because I'll make a similar comment to you...and laugh in your face. Karma is a two way street you witch...and you'll have earned it. But I will end up helping you anyways...even though you don't deserve it.

So here it is all - an open note to all the evil, nasty people who happened to be at the Dundas Bowlerama at about 11:30 on Sept 2, 2009.

Don't you dare sit there and pass judgement on me. You haven't lived this life for 5 years. You have no idea what I experience.

I am a great father - and I know that for a fact. My son tells me all the time. Many fathers end up bailing on their autistic children. Well screw you....I'm in it for the long haul...and I've been living this life for 5 years - and I don't give a damn what you think if me....but I will fight back on behalf of my son. He's not able to yet....but he's learning.

Sitting at home and watching a Jenny McCarthy special on Larry King does not even remotely quality you as being able tell me what I'm doing wrong or think ill of me, or my son. All of these kids are unique...and they all respond to different things in different ways. That article you read in Cosmo or whatever pop-up book it is that you just finished in no way prepares you for this lifestyle.

You have to live it to get it. And if you don't get it - do me a favour; just shut up and let me try and deal with it the best I can. I don't point fingers at you because you're ugly now do I? :)

Oh...and to the girl who tried to offer me a coupon for my next visit? Get real. I won't be back. I'm going to find a bowling alley that actually has the stuff they advertise on their menu board....and if I have to drive 1,000 miles to find it....that's cool with me. My son is a great little bowler.

Is a little pizza too much to ask? Because it certainly seems that understanding from anyone these days is.