Mini golf is fun.

Mini golf is fun.  Really.

I enjoy a good game of mini golf....and as luck would have it - the 7 year old who decided that my wife and I would be great parents for him thinks so as well.

This weekend - my wife and my son came home from one of his therapy sessions.  I could just tell by the sounds of the cranky people who came home that it didn't go all that well.  Or maybe it did - and people were just cranky for the fun of it?  One of life's mysteries that I'll never solve for sure.

If you haven't been reading my Facebook status (and why the hell not?) you likely won't know that I've been really busy working on a project for a client (much like I'm supposed to be doing right now...but...writing for you guys is more fun) and I'm getting sick and tired of staring at 3 computers.  I had decided before the cranky people came home that I would take them out for some mini golf...and enjoy some time in the sun.

So - obviously - I'm quite excited about going.  Who wouldn't be?  Well....my wife for one.  She wasn't into it - but Nicholas sure was!  He had his shoes on in seconds flat...

So now I'm committed.  There's no way I can change plans now - right?  So - I take out my trusty Crackberry and Google up a mini golf location in Mississauga....and off we go!

Upon out arrival to the Mississauga location...I find - nothing.  No mini golf.  Nothing that even resembles a good time.  Just a crappy strip mall...that at one point may have been a mini golf location.  

Damn.

"Nicholas....do you still want to go mini golfing?"

"YES!"

Out comes the Crackberry for a second attempt.  And I find one - it's in Scarborough - bit of a long haul for 30 minutes of fun....we put it to a vote, and since my vote doesn't count....we're quickly hammering down the QEW in search of the fabled mini golf of Scarborough.

Drive.  Drive.  Drive.  Stop for snacks.  Drive some more - and voila!!!

"There it is Nicholas!  The enchanted mini golf location at Gerrard and Victoria Park.  Woo hoo!!"

"Finally"...says the small person in the back of the car.

We go in.  Pay.  Get our tickets...and then I notice that my son is doing the tinkle dance (if you have kids...you'll get the reference.  If you don't....I won't ruin the surprise).  I ask my son if he wants to use the facilities.

"No!  I don't want to tinkle!  Let's go!!!!!"

Tinkling is never a question of want.  It's a question of need.  Next time I'll phrase the question so that I get the desired result.  I figure since we're in Scarborough (and not a nice section of Scarborough at that)...that if he decides he does in fact need to cease his tinkle dance....that he can duck behind a bush and giv'r.

Bad idea....and actually really bad timing on our part.

You see....there was a birthday party group with about 20 kids just starting out on the course.  And man - these kids where slow.  

Waiting for an autistic child can be difficult.

Waiting for an autistic child who is just totally rocking the tinkle dance can also be difficult.

So...we're waiting around for our turn - when one of the Dad's said we could play through if we wanted to.  I said thank you...and so did Mr. I Don't Needa Tinkle Time.

Things are going well.  Nicholas is totally working the putter (and he's really a pretty good player....just as long as his rules are in play) and having himself a grand time.

Then we get to the 11th hole.

We're stuck behind a little kid...who had skills....and his useless Mother who had zero skills.  It does not take 17 strokes to sink a ball.   Really.  If it takes you 17 strokes to sink one little ball...you really should just pick up the ball - let other people play through...and then proceed with your sucky mini golf after you've stopped holding other people up.  And besides - the scorecard says you get a maximum of 6 shots per hole.  So...not only are we stuck behind someone who has zero mini golf skills....she may also be illiterate.

What's a boy to do?

Well.....if you're my son - you take charge of the situation.  You drop your ball - and you just play through.  Never mind that you're getting dirty looks...and never mind that you totally showed up some Mother.

When the inept Mother suggested that we wait out turn.  I look at my son - and decide I'll let him handle it.  

"Nicholas....is there something we need to say to the nice lady?"  

"Yes.  You're too slow.  I don't have time to wait for you.  The card says six shots - you took way more than that....so now its my turn!"

I bite my tongue trying not to laugh...

Needless to say the Mother is not overly impressed....I however am thrilled for a number of reasons.  First - he actually read the card, retained what it said - and applied it to a situation to demonstrate that he knew what he was talking about.  Second - he stood up for himself...and he was nice and polite about it (for the most part).  And thirdly - it was just a cool thing to do!

I generally don't advocate not following the rules, and pushing ahead to get what you want....but when you're dealing with a tool.  Well....blunt and direct is best.  Easy to understand words help to.

So Nicholas plays through...leaving that lady in his dust.  At this point - I'm not even really playing....I can see that he's getting to the point where there really isn't much say in the matter....the tinkle dance must come to an end.  We finish up the game, return our clubs...and haul ass for the facilities.

A good time was had by all....and that lady?  Last we saw her - she was still on the 14th hole.  For all we know - she may still be there....

This just in...

From an email forwarded to me:

From:  The Associated Press

LAS VEGAS - The newest sensation in the world of rap and hip-hop, DJ NicklePickle, was seen coming out of Vegas' hottest playpark on the strip yesterday.

The seven year-old star and multi-platinum artist says that he and his manager mom LynnZee have been busy discussing what's best for his career as he faces a media firestorm.

Since signing an unprecedented twenty-year, one-hundred million dollar contract with famed recording label Works of Wonder, DJ NicklePickle has been hounded by fans and paparazzi.

"Mom and I obviously have been going through a lot of stuff, yo. I can't even go to the Dollarstore to pick up a pack of multi-coloured dish scrubbers without the peeps taking my photo or asking for an autograph," says the dapper DJ."The one thing that really burns my chops is when people call me Daniel Cook, just 'cause I wear the orange tees."

NiclePickle will tour extensively this summer, bringing his renowned laser and light stage show to sold-out school cafeterias across the country. 

Eviction Notice

The Eviction - A recent "chat" with the true lord and master of my humble domain.  I  just work here...

Getting computer time in my house can be a challenge. Sure - there are 4 computers...but I write most of my blogs on the computer in the front room. Which is where HIS computer happens to be. It's really hard to write something with the constant interruptions...

"Can I have the computer now?"

"In a few minutes."

4 seconds later - "Has it been a few minutes yet?"

"No."

"Well....when will it be my turn?"

"When I'm done."

"Are you done yet?"

"Do I look like I'm done?"

"When will you be done?"

"I'd have already been done...but its hard to type with all the distractions!"

"Is that a bad thing?"

"It can be."

"So - which is it? A good thing or a bad thing?"

"Right now? It's an annoying thing."

30 seconds go by

"Are you doooooonne yet?"

"Almost."

"Can you hurry up - I have things to do...and you are wasting time!!"

He's 7! How many things can he possibly have on his agenda? You Tube ain't going anywhere!

"What are you doing anyways?"

"Typing."

"Typing what?"

"About you.'

"Me?"

"Yes - you!"

"Can I help?"

"You already help - you provide me with material."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Oh - Nickels - its a great thing!"

"Nice.....and are you done yet?"

"I'll never be done little man...you have much to teach me!"

"Whaaaaaat???"

"You heard me!"

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It's all g little man"

"So you're done now right?"

Sigh...

"Sure."...at which point I save to draft.

"Good - now please get out of the chair and let me use the computer. I need to do things...go use your computer downstairs - this one is mine...Mommy said so."...as he's tugging me my arm - trying to remove me from HIS chair!  I need to speak to my wife about these things...does Mommy saying something make it law?  Or does he know I just live in fear...and I'll cave when he recites that all powerful mantra.  "Mommy said so" has brought fear to men's hearts for millenia.

"What happened to the sharing thing?"

"I lost it."

"You lost it?"

"Yes - that's right. Aren't you listening to me?"

"Well fine then - be that way....I'm going downstairs....and I'm gonna eat your KinderEgg thingy...because you're being so rude to me!"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"Maybe sucka!"

"I said no. If you eat my treat - I'm going to send you to your room!"

I ponder this...I could use a nap....hmmmm...

Not worth it...my son can lay on a mean guilt trip.  And I'm a pushover.

Nicholas successfully evicts me from HIS room. So that he can use HIS computer. Man - he can be a pushy guy sometimes. I'll be sure to hit him up next Friday for the money for the mortgage payment. His room? Hmmmpf! :)

Trouble is - getting to my office is fraught with danger. Since the basement has been completed there is a rail network rapidly expanding it's way though out the entire basement. CN doesn't have this much track!

Wish me luck!  Good thing he's cute...  :)

The Power of Cute

It's been a while since my last post.  I wasn't sure where to take this blog after my last posting - that and I've been real busy working on a few projects.  A lot of blog worthy things have taken place since my last posting - this one being a good example of that:

A few days ago I was downstairs in my office - working away (and wasting time on Facebook.  I do that a lot...but its a good release, and it keeps in touch with humanity) while there was a storm going on upstairs.  Yes - an indoor storm.

My son (the cute one) and my wife (the really cute one) were getting into it about something.  I have no idea what was going on, nor do I know who started it.  All I know is that the other members of my household were being tools - and making far too much noise.  Like I said - I was trying to get some work done.  It wasn't happening.

So...I'm downstairs - hoping the storm will blow over, and that sanity will once again reign supreme in my home.  It does not.  It's getting worse.

Sighing to myself....I decide that these people all need to get a get grip - and just calm down.

So I wander upstairs.  And there's these other people kind of being rude to each other - and generally just not getting along.  I decide to intervene.

"What is the matter with you people?"

Dirty looks are directed at me....from both parties.

This isn't going well.

I decided that I needed to work on my vitamin D...and ask Nicholas if he would like to go for a walk with me.  He readily agrees.  He seems quite eager to clear out for a bit.

Shoes on - and we're gone.  

My son was crying that cute little sob thing that he does...he thinks Mommy doesn't like  him.  I assure him that yes indeed she does...everyone does!

He looks up at  me...tears streaming down his face..."Are you sure Daddy?"

"Yeah man....I'm sure.  Daddy knows all...and besides - I took a survey, and I asked everyone.  They all agreed that you are one righteous little dude!"

He smiles...and within the space of 10 meters...I've got a child holding my hand and happily skipping along with me.  He's doing the skipping...I am not.  That's not my thing.

So...we're walking down the street - hand in hand...when he spots some wild flowers growing at the front of someone's yard.

He announces that he is going to pick some for Mommy.  I like the idea...but I'm not sure that just picking other people's flowers is really a habit I want him taking up.

I tell him that we can't pick other people's flowers...that would be rude - and not a nice thing to do.  He starts to melt down again...."But but but....I want to bring flowers for Mommy".

Now what???

"Hey Nichols...why don't we knock on the door and just ask them if you can pick a few?"

"Okay"....and he's off to the front door....with me in tow.

He rings the bell.

No answer.

He knocks on the door.

No answer.

"Hello??  It's me - Nicholas....I have a question for you!"  (He has been to the house for Halloween - and he likely remembers the names of the people who live there).

He's looking in the window beside the door....knocking away.

Then the door opens.  It's a rather large, scruffy gentleman who doesn't look all that pleased to have people knocking on his door.  He's looking right at me...he doesn't even see my son (he's considerably shorter than me).  "What do you want?"

I let the guy know that my son would like to ask him a question.  He looks down...

"Hello!  I was wondering if if would be okay if I picked some of your flowers for Mommy?"

The guy pauses for a moment...starts to smile from ear to ear...and says, "Sure....you got a buck?"

Nicholas proclaims that he is without funds...and that Daddy has money.  No Nicholas - Daddy does not have any money handy.

The guy is laughing at this point.  "Sure - little guy...pick all you want!!".  I'm shaking my head at this point....this guy has no clue that he's inviting utter deforestation of his front yard.  

"Why thank you!" my son replies.  "I only need three flowers for Mommy".

So Nicholas scampers back down the driveway...and picks one...two...three flowers.  The guy is watching from his front steps...he's all smiles and laughing.  I think my son made his day.

Nicholas thanks the kindly stranger for the flowers....and then we proceed home - to put the flowers in water - and present them to Mommy.

Not more than 10 minutes earlier - there were two cranky people in my house...and one cranky appearing guy up the street.  And that's the moral of this story.  A simple act of kindness made Mommy's day.  A simple act of politeness and cuteness made some other guy's day.  Beauty and kindness are everywhere to be found - you just need to know where to look.

And Daddy?  He's the hero for defusing a situation and ensuring that the power of cuteness is able to spread it's way throughout the neighbourhood.

I have my moments.

The Toll

First off - I would like to express my sincere appreciation for all the positive feedback that I have received from everyone who has taken the time out of their day to read my blog.  

I have received one email from someone who kind of blasted me for not taking autism seriously - and I appreciate that to.  Because the person made a good point - and it was one that I was going to address when I had the courage to do so.

And it's not an easy thing to post.  I'm essentially a very private person, and I don't typically post things looking for sympathy, or trying to get people to feel sorry for me.  The life I have as a father is the one that God (or whatever your favorite deity happens to be called) chose for me...and while I am not always thrilled with the chaos that can be my life - I am grateful for the opportunity to be a father to a very special little boy.  I'm only ever going to get this one opportunity to be a parent...and I have to make the best of it.  My son's future depends on it.

So...just what was I blasted about?  More specifically - it was that I hadn't addressed the impact of autism on the parents of the child, or the dynamics of how the strain and stress of autism can impact your marriage.

Big breath...here we go.

Autism hurts.  And it impacts your life every day.

You feel the pain when you take your son to school - and other parents won't talk to you because you're the parent of THAT child.  Look people - I never asked for this, and I certainly never planned for it.  But he's my son - and I love him dearly...just as you love your kids.  My wife and I (mostly her....my wife is a much better at advocating on behalf of our son) are doing our very best to teach him the things he needs to know....so that he can be independent and stand on his own after we are gone.

And if the truth be told.  I've met some of your kids - and I think I got a better deal out of it.  My son is a warm and caring individual, able to express himself in ways that continually amaze me.  My son has never hurt anyone with intent or malice - and he has never picked on anyone, or made them feel like less of a person because they were different.  You can't say that - because I've seen your kids do just that....while you were standing 10 feet away.  Sure - you may be holding that Starbucks cup in your hand...and drive a nicer vehicle - and have a bigger house.  But you don't have what I have - and that is a child who is good and kind to people.  I've seen your kids act like the worst bully imaginable - while you do nothing about it at all.  And I get calls from school?  And for the record....my wife drives the nice car.  :)  

And besides all that...my son happens to be a babe magnet.  Not for me mind you.  For himself.  Without even trying - he has developed a little gaggle of girls that just love him to bits...they hug him when they see  him at school....and they kiss him on the cheek.  There's a reason for that.  Children are able to see through things and see people for who they really are.  And they see a sweet little boy...who is totally adorable, and is able to share his cookies at lunch.

If you've never felt the crushing blow of not being able to do the simple things that every other parent can do with their normal child...you can't possibly understand.  It's only now - after years of trying that my son can catch a ball.  I had the same hopes and dreams of every other parent...you know....the little league stuff, going to soccer, etc.  It is really painful to try and deal with the realization that all the things you had expected to be able to do as a parent may in fact never happen.  And we've tried a lot of things with him - looking for the things that clicks.  We have ruled out skating (but I'll still try that with him), karate (he just liked the Keeee-Yaaa sound!), etc.  Swimming is his thing.  And music.  And trains.  And books.  And You Tube.

Unless you've experienced autism (or some other developmental issue) you can't even relate to how I feel.  My wife and I wanted more than one child - but with the expenses of autism, and the strain of just trying to deal with it - and learn as we go....we had to give up on that dream.  We bought a three bedroom house for a reason.  And now?  The third bedroom is my son's therapy room.  Having to let go of a dream for largely financial reasons is devastating.  I love kids - I'm still one myself in many respects....and I wanted more than one.  And I'll never have that...and that hurts.  I am thrilled when I hear that a friend of mine has had a child...and I always quietly pray to myself that they don't have to go through this.

Unless you've experienced autism - it isn't your place to give me helpful suggestions or tips that worked for your child.  We're talking apples and pumpkins here.  There is no similarity at all between the two...and what works for your child is great and all - I'm really quite happy for you.  But you don't know...and you don't know how my son works (a lot of the times - i don't even know).  The things that work for the 'normal' kids just does not work for autistics.  I should know - I've tried the suggestions....and it made things worse.

Unless you've experienced autism - you will never know the pain of what it is like to not be able to have a simple conversation with your child.  Yes - my son and I talk all the time...but it's largely about his world, and how he sees it.  It is an very interesting place from what I hear.  :)

If you've ever seen me physically removing a kicking and screaming child out of the mall, or a store....don't stand there and gawk at me.  I am not sorry that my son's condition has inconvenienced you in any way.  You just have to hear it once in a while - I have to live it 24/7.  And just so you know...when an autistic child is going through the throws of a tantrum.  It's not because they want to.  They really do want the same calm and serene life that most people share.  They simply are unable to calm themselves down.  I know - I've asked him why he can't calm down...and he says he can't.  And my son is much like me...we're both terrible liars.  My son is just wired differently that's all.

Everyone has problems in life, and has to deal with things they don't like.  I'm no different, and that doesn't make me special at all.  Just being able to hold a marriage together under the strain is hard enough.  Sure - we've had problems...and we've been able to work through them.  The divorce rate amongst parents of autistics is double that of those of you who don't have to contend with this.  For the record - this year will mark my 9th year of marriage...the last 5 of which have been under the strain of autism.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is this.  

I'm not looking for your sympathy, your empathy, or your concern.  Understanding is all that I ask.  If my blog is able to educate at least one person - and get them to open their eyes and see these kids for who they are - then I think I'll have done a good job.  There are a lot of these kids out there today....and the numbers are increasing very quickly.  We're in the midst of an autism epidemic...and you all need to get wise and understand these kids....because they'll be looking after you when you're old and gray.  And these kids remember everything....