The early kid catches the koala

I like Australia.  Really I do.  No - I've never been there...but I've heard great things, and have met some really wonderful people from Australia as a result of Facebook.  I know lots about Australia too.  There is Foster's beer, that Crocodile Dundee guy, the Opera House, dingos, and so on.  


But there's a problem.  


And normally - I'm not one to complain about small problems.  [stop snickering....this is my blog - so pipe down and just agree with me on this one].


But I do have a small problem with the Land Down Under.


Simply put?


Weird animals.


Huh?  You're asking?  


Yeah - that's right.  I said it.  Weird animals.


More specifically?  Marsupials.


You know - those cute fuzzy animals that come pre-equipped with their own luggage (pouches).


Ok - so now your thoroughly confused right?  What could I possibly have against marsupials?  What have they ever done to me?


Well....they haven't done anything to me specifically per se...but they do inspire a little boy with the need to 'spread the word' about what they are.  I'm cool with that.  I am really entertained by Nicholas's genuine interest in animals [and no Nicholas - we are not buying a goat, or an elephant, or a camel as a pet.  We have a hamster....his name is Archie, and he's pretty damn cool!].  I just don't really share the same level of interest - at least not  before 6AM.


Let me set the scene for you:


It's early....before 6AM.  I believe I just mentioned that.


Daddy is sleeping comfortably in bed.


Blankets are warm and toasty....and I was having a cool dream.


Then it happens....as it's happened many times before.


Poke Poke Poke!


"Daddy?" chirps a pleasant voice.  If any voice can actually be called pleasant at that time of day.


There are some less than polite responses....most notably - "go away!"


Poke Poke Poke!!!


"Daaaaaady!!!"


A few more "go aways"....and a non specific threat involving the possibility of Santa's spy network being aware of what's going down.


"DADDDDDDDYYYY!"


Sigh....an eyeball pops open.  "Yes little man....was there something you needed?"


"No.  I just wanted to tell you something."


"Can it wait?"


"No!  This is important!"


Sigh. 


"Ok - whats on your mind."


"Did you know that koala bears are marsupials?"


"Actually - I did know that.  I've known that since I was in grade 3 from a rather irate exchange teacher from Australia.  So yes dude - I knew that."


"Well guess what?"


"What?"


"I'm in grade 3 too!  And I know that too!  So that means I'm just as smart as you!"


"Cool."


"And guess what else?"


"What?"


"Koala's like to eat eucalyptus leaves.  They have pouches.  And they like to hang out in trees and laugh [I think he means kookaburras....and I think those guys are birds....and they hang out in old gum trees.  A little feedback from the Australian branch of the family would be good here]  And while they are called Koala Bears...they are not really bears.  Real bears don't have pouches."


"That's good to know Nicholas.  Did I really have to have Koala Class 101 so early?"


"Yes.  Yes you did.  You never know when you're going to need to know something."


And then in a flash - he's gone.  


He's right though.  You do never know when you're going to need something.  Just in case I ever actually do get on Jeopardy.


Alex!  I'll take "Australian animals I have yet to eat for $100!"

Opinion Piece

Hello faithful reader!


Today's posting is not going to be related to anything cool or fun that my son did (he did bring home his Halloween bat from school today....it's really cool!).  No - today's posting is about corporate responsibility, and how some companies would appear to place more value on money, than actual values.


Wow - that's pretty heavy you must be thinking right now.  I know, I know....you've come to expect all my writings to be uplifting and funny.  


Please bare with me - and I'm sure you'll be just fine with where I'm headed with this. If you're not - well....that's okay too.


Here we go:


Today I became aware of the fact that Amazon.com is selling a book that can only be best described as a "How To" manual for pedophiles.


Stop for a second and let that sink in before you continue to read.


Yes.  You read that correctly.  An actual "How To" guide for pedophiles.  If you're feeling a sense of anger deep in the pit of your stomach....then welcome to the club.  I am mad about this - and I'm going to try and use this new fangled Internet thingy to see if Amazon will reverse its decision about carrying this book.  If social media has the power to get Rogers to give some lady a deal on an iPhone when her contract renews...then perhaps my blog can do the same with Amazon (not giving me an iPhone deal...I'm a Blackberry guy....but to reverse it's decision about carrying this 'book')?


Here's a link for the book on Amazon.com - Click here for a peek at the reviews.  I'm posting this here so that other people can see with their own eyes that this 'book' does in fact exist.  I'm trying to be as fair as possible here - it's not easy because there's a lot of nasty things I really want to say.  But I'll take the high road on this - venting and swearing is not going to lend credibility to my position.  A reasonable response to Amazon's email to me might.


Yes - I actually called them.  When I first became aware of the book - it was from a link to an MSNBC article on Facebook.  I too added to the discussion - in as a polite and well thought out way as I could muster (I was good.  Some weren't). 


I figured that I needed to do more than just say on Facebook that I was going to close my account.  Lots of people said that.  I wanted my response to this situation to have some meaning and impact.


So - I called them.  And I had a great discussion with a charming lady at Amazon.  She was as mortified as I was.  She totally understood why I felt carrying this 'book' was just a bad idea.  She put me on hold for a bit so that she could find out more.  I waited for 5 minutes and she came back with the response that Amazon's position was 'under review'.  Ok I said - thanks for listening to me, and hearing me out.  It was a civilized discussion (no sense in ruining her day....she just answers the phone) and I enjoyed speaking with her.


A few hours later, I received the following email from Amazon.  My responses are interspersed in bold, and in Trebuchet font.


Thank you for writing to Amazon.ca with your concerns. I understand that you feel very strongly about this issue.


Wrong.  I called Amazon.com.  I did not email Amazon.ca.  At least try and make me think that you heard me when I called.

Let me assure you that Amazon.ca does not support or promote hatred or criminal acts; we do support the right of every individual to choose his or her own reading material or entertainment.


Wrong.  Making a book available that allows an author to promote pedophilia is an act that promotes hatred and/or a criminal act.  There is no love involved in that type of act.  And last I heard - it was certainly illegal.  And for the record...no.  I've never been a victim of sexual abuse, but I know people who are - and their lives are forever scared by the experience.  


I'd just like to see Amazon exercise some judgement that places the well being of children over that of profit.  Amazon makes a lot of money already - do they really need to profit off of this type of material?

As a retailer, our goal is to provide customers with the broadest selection possible so they can find, discover, and buy any item they might be seeking. That selection includes some items which many people may find objectionable. Therefore, the items offered on our website represent a wide spectrum of opinions on a variety of topics.


Ok - no problem there.  Typical self promoting boilerplate.  I have to wonder though...can I order a copy of the Anarchist's Cookbook from Amazon?  How about how to build a nuclear bomb in my backyard?  Some might find those types of books enjoyable as well.

Amazon.ca believes it is censorship not to sell certain titles because we believe their message is objectionable. Therefore, we'll continue to make controversial works available in the United States and everywhere else, except where they're prohibited by law. We also allow readers, authors, and publishers to express their views freely about these titles and other products we offer on our website. However, Amazon.ca doesn't endorse opinions expressed by individual authors, musical artists, or filmmakers.


A lawyer clearly wrote this paragraph.  Amazon absolves themselves or responsibility - but still provides a book that says, "hey....we're not into what you're into - but here's a book to get you started".  


So Amazon....I too am freely expressing my view...and if I use your logic I'm all good.  Right?

We value all feedback from our customers, and I thank you again for taking the time to send us your comments about this issue. Although we won't be able to comment further on this topic, we hope you'll allow us to continue to serve you.


Ok - that's great!  They want me as a customer.  

Did we answer your question?


No.  I never asked any questions.  I was expressing my disgust with your selection of reading material.

If yes, please click here:

If not, please click here:

Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept incoming e-mail.


Not surprising.  I'm sure they're getting a lot of flack at the moment.  

To contact us about an unrelated issue, please visit the Help section of our web site.


Well - I will have one final contact.  It will be when I close my account for good.  I'll buy my books from Chapters.ca or Barnes & Noble from now on.

Best regards,

As the parent of a special needs child - I need to be extra vigilant when it comes this type of thing.  My son is very trusting.  He has a hard time understanding that anyone would ever want to do him any harm.  His heart is pure gold - and he believes that everyone in the world is as nice and warm as he is.  To him - there are no bad people.  Only those who like animals - and those who don't.  I will do everything and anything in my power to keep him safe from the sick perverted freaks that walk among us.  And that's why I'm doing more than just complaining on a Facebook wall about it.  I have to.  And if Amazon want to sue me for this posting?  I wish they wouldn't - but if they do?  Well....my principles are worth more than any money I might have saved away for my son's future.  If I have to lose everything I own so that I can protect him from the likes of the people who buy that sort of book....so be it.  I don't see that as being likely though...the publicity alone would hurt them more than me....and I'd likely make a ton of dough from people visiting my blog and clicking on the Google ads.


If I've learned anything in my life its this:  


When a friend begins to demonstrate values that do not mirror your own - it's time to move on.  That's a hard lesson to learn at times, but I've mastered it now.  I'm sorry Amazon - I considered you a good friend....always willing to take my order at any hour of the day or night, offer me a fabulous selection of reading material - and have it shipped to me quickly.  You were always there when I needed you...and you never complained when I didn't have time for you.  But this?  No.  I'm sorry...the values you demonstrate in making this book available to the masses simply does not work for me.  I wish you well...but it's time for us to part ways.


Good bye Amazon.

Scumbagalytics

Greetings and salutations!  


It's late, I'm tired....and more than a little sick of studying - but life goes on.  As you can tell - I've actually been posting on my blog over the past day or so.  2 entries in one day?  Whoa.  The creative juices are flowing (can anyone tell me where that particular phrase originated from?  It sounds rather obscene...but it works).


So....whats the thought du jour?


It's an interesting one - and one that doesn't have anything to do with Nicholas....at least not directly.  Sorry - no humorous posting tonight.


It has to do with data (no - not the guy from Star Trek...but he's pretty cool too).  Yeah....real interesting you're thinking to yourself.  Well....it is.  So deal.


I'm a data guy by profession....I make the occasional map too (still)....but really - it's all about the data.  And the data that Google Analytics captures for me has revealed something either very interesting, or very disturbing.  I'm not entirely sure - so I'm throwing it out there, in the hopes that I get some feedback from people.  I'm interested in what people's experiences actually are on the subject.


Which simply is this:  I have noticed that there are a fair number of people finding my blog through Google using the keywords 'autism' and 'eviction' (I also seem to get a lot of visitors from California as well - go figure).  And it's got me wondering....


Are there landlords out there trying to evict autistic tenants?    A spam comment has even been left on my blog....some company that assists landlords in enforcing eviction notices it would seem.  Obviously whoever left that particular comment hasn't actually taken the time to read at least some of what I've written.  Yeah bud...I'll get right back to you on that one.


If people are being evicted because of being autistic....wouldn't that be a form of discrimination?  I would certainly think so - but I don't know for sure.  I would like to think that it is, and that this is something that wouldn't be possible.


At the very least - the data tells me that there is still a lot of work to be done to build awareness of what autism is - and what it isn't.  Autism is not the plague, it is not contagious, and it is not some life ending affliction that is going to destroy some landlord's property value (that's what university students are for).  If people are doing searches with these keywords....then there must be a reason for it.  And I would like to know why.  


I truly hope that autistics are not facing the prospect of losing their home just because their brains are wired a bit differently.  Notice the word 'differently'.  Different is good.  I hope that I'm wrong, and that I'm reading too much into the data.  Autistics have enough things to deal with...potential homelessness shouldn't be one of them.


For myself personally?  I'm not worried about what might happen with respect to my son's living situation should something bad happen to my wife and I.  We own our home....so that means Nicholas owns a home as well.  No one is ever going to be able to take that away from him - we've made sure that he will always have a place to call home.


And if by some chance you are a landlord, and you are trying to evict someone with autism.  Well...how do I put this as politely as possible without alienating the people who visit my blog on a regular basis.  Hmmmm.  Nope.  Can't really do it.  You're a scumbag, and you should be ashamed of yourself...plain and simple.


Feedback on this entry is appreciated....as they are with any of my postings.


Good night.

Laughing Child and No Beer...Makes Daddy Something Something

If you've been reading my blog you likely know that my son has an affinity for the Internet.  YouTube has largely replaced his watching TV....which I'm good with, as I'd rather see my son control the content he views as opposed to just sitting there and having something spoon fed to him.  If you have an autistic child in your life, then you already know that control is something that is very important.


I'm not sure that I'm overly thrilled with his recent fixation though.  Don't get me wrong - I enjoy The Simpsons as much as the next 38 year with a rather childish sense of humor.  Homer just has that ability to speak to me.  


And now?  He speaks to my son.


Over the past week or so - it has become a common sound in my house to hear a little boy laughing uncontrollably.  And we're not talking a good chuckle here - it's a full blown case of the giggles....that can last, and last....and last.  You get the idea.  


And this is all a good thing - really it is.  Nicholas' life is challenging, and he puts up with so much 'crap' from the adults in his life.  Therapists, doctors, teachers, and on and on - there is quite the team of people involved in his life...all with good intentions mind you.....but I'm sure he views us as a pain in the ass sometimes who should just let him be.  So - if he finds something that he enjoys, I try to be supportive.  And besides - the sound of a laughing child is right up there with Rush.


Last night I had to basically pry a giggling child of the computer....he had totally lost it, and was in the midst of  what is best described as a 'gigglefit'.  Nicholas just could not get over the giggles.  Gotta give Homer credit...he's a funny guy!


It was quite the scene.  He's laughing...and I'm trying not to laugh.  I have learned that trying to get a giggling child ready for bed is pretty damn difficult.  Not bad or anything....just difficult.


So.....I finally, finally, finally....got him all ready and into bed.  And then it starts up again.  He's obviously watching reruns in his head....and he's laughing so hard I thought he'd either pass out from lack of oxygen - or puke.  He did neither I'm happy to say.


He eventually settled down - and after the ritual that I must perform as part of his going to bed, he seems settled and ready to crash out.  I left.


Fast forward 15 minutes.


I'm downstairs in my office...studying for my PMP exam when I hear 'the laugh'!  He's out of bed, back on YouTube and giggling up a storm.  The fact that I heard all this going on over the sounds emanating from my iPod gives you some indication as to the volume.


I sigh....do one of my famous eyeball rolls - and proceed to venture back upstairs.  And there he is...watching Homer being Homer - and laughing so hard there were tears running down his face.  


Now its get challenging.


"Get into bed dude!"


"No!"


"What?"


"No!  I have to watch this!"


"You watched that same Homer Burger King clip all night!  Enough already!"


"No way dude!"


Did he just call me dude?  Uh huh....he most certainly did.  It's hard to be a disciplinarian when I'm obviously trying not to laugh myself.


"Alright.  That's it.  You either get into bed right now, or I'm gonna sell your computer on eBay!"


"I'll just use one of yours then!"


"Nicholasssssss"


"Daaaaaaaad!"


Now he's mocking me?  I know I was kind of feisty when I was younger....but I listened to my Dad (I saved most of my 'feistyness' for school anyways...teachers never had much power over me....what are they gonna do?  Take my allowance away?).  This is not going to plan.  I gotta give him credit though - Nicholas is a quick thinker.  He's able to develop alternative plans on the fly...


I proceed to pull the chair away from the computer...and then he does the "Floor Flop"....you know....that fall on the floor move that giggling kids make.  You do know that move right?  No?  Now you do.


So there he is.  8 years old, writhing on the floor, and literally laughing his ass off....and I suspect mocking me.


So I pick him up and carry him back to bed.  I don't know how much longer I'll be able to do that.  He's getting to be a big boy....and it's hard to pick him up of the floor.  My back is sore today....


So I finally get him back into bed - and the giggles start to subside (for the most part).  He insists that I perform a few Homerisms....which I can do quite well [where can I put that on my resume?] and then he seems satisfied and content.


I tell him good night and all that sweet stuff.


Silence prevails in the house....


Until about 5am this morning.  He was up early - and apparently doing his laundry (Mommy handled that one....I was still in bed)....but that's a blog for another day.  I need to study.

Are Dinosaurs Tasty?

Ok - it's been quite some time since you've been entertained by what my son may or may not be up to.  And I'll get to that in a minute what he's been up to lately in a few short paragraphs.

But first - I need to give credit to where credit is due.  I have a confession to make.  I steal images.  Shamelessly.  From all over the Internet.  There.  Now you know.

I typically like to find a picture on the Internet (Google image search rocks!) that suits the mood of the whatever it is I'm about to post.  

So does Nicholas it would seem...but for different reasons.

From what my son tells me, the Cretoxyrhina was a prehistoric bad ass who chomped his way through the oceans.  The picture you see above was...ahem....pinched....from somewhere on the vast image resource known as the Internet.  This particular one was pilfered from a website where the guy appears to paint pictures of dinosaurs.....I actually don't know what the site is about....like I said I'm an image thief....I move fast - and don't linger for long at the scene of the crime.  But please check out the dude's site....it's actually kind of cool.  Prehistoric World.

Ok - so where was I headed with this posting?  Oh yes....dinosaurs.  Dinosaurs are very important right now it would.  Project worthy one might say (just don't ask if they're tasty!)

Right now there is a project that that has required my input on a nightly basis.  You see....my son has decided that he would like a collection of books about various dinosaurs.  And not just any old dinosaurs....you know....the T Rex and familiar ones like that.  No....my son likes to find the most obscure prehistoric beasts to write about.

Hence the Cretoxyrhina.  I had never heard of that one until a few days ago....when my help was enlisted in finding a good cretoxyrhina image on the Internet.  I don't know how Nicholas discovered this guy....nor do I have any clue how he found the other rather obscure dinosaurs either.  He just does.  To Nicholas - the Internet is a vast resource of things that were pretty much put up there for his express enjoyment.  In a way?  I envy my son....he has access to information so readily, and has mastered it at such a young age - while I on the other hand had to do research for my thesis using the pre-web Internet.

Anyways - a rather large collection of dinosaur books in the works.  He finds the image, pastes it into Word - and then prints it out.  The narrative is always done by hand....he is good with the keyboard, but he prefers his own unique touch when telling the story.  

After much writing - a collection of sheets is handed to me.  

"Here Daddy.  I'm done....you need to staple it together"

And I do....very carefully.  Three staples down the left hand side of the pages. It has to be done just so.  Messing this step up (as I've learned) doesn't always go down well.  The nerve of me in ever thinking that a single staple in the to corner would suffice.  These are books we're making after all....not some cheesy top corner stapled brochure.  Books require spines.

So far, we have created about 4 or 5 of these books.  I finally inquired what it was be planned on doing with his wonderful collection.

"I'm taking them to school.  The kindergarten kids don't know about this stuff - and they need to.  I have to make sure that they understand what dinosaur came from which time period.  This is important information that every boy and girl needs to know.  So I'm going to bring them to school and share them with the little kids [so says the 8 year old kid]."

Makes sense to me.